Denis Leary

"We live in a country where John Lennon takes 6 bullets in the chest, Yoko Ono is standing right next to him - not one f***ing bullet! Explain that to me!"

"I mean, Stevie Ray Vaughan is dead, and we can't get Jon Bon Jovi in a helicopter."

"We need a 2 1/2 hour movie about The Doors folks? No we don't, I could sum it up for you in 5 seconds ok: "I'm drunk, I'm nobody." "I'm drunk, I'm famous." "I'm drunk, I'm f***ing dead." There's the whole movie, ok?"

"And you know what Hell is folks? It's Andy Gibb, singing Shadow Dancing for eons and eons, and you have to wear orange plait bell-bottoms, and sit next to The Bay City Rollers."

"Personally, I think Mama Cass said it best, when she said: "Hrrgg! Hrrrggg! Hrrrrrggggg!""

"I think Jim Henson said it best, when he said: "Anybody got any aspirin, I think I've got a cold.""

"Did you hear about Jim Henson's funeral here in New York City? Kermit the frog and Big Bird sang "It's not easy being green" at Jim Henson's funeral!"